Can I be real with you for a second? Lately, I’ve been sitting with this deep realization. One that has both humbled and freed me.
I spent so much of my life chasing after validation. Especially after becoming born again, I found myself needing constant approval, craving recognition, and desperately wanting to be seen. It wasn’t even intentional at first. But as I walked into new spaces—at church, ministry, spiritual gatherings—I felt like I had something to prove. I loathe it.
I started to compare myself to those who have been walking with God much longer than me. I felt like a grasshopper among giants, and it was stealing my joy, literally.
Instead of just focusing on my own journey with God, I kept looking at them, measuring myself against them, and feeling like I wasn’t enough. Eish, it was not easy guys.
And because of that, I was putting limitations on the Holy Spirit. I wasn’t giving Him the space to move in my life because I was so wrapped up in my own doubts, fears, and need for approval.
I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, misquoting a scripture, or looking like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I wanted to sound powerful, but instead, I kept stumbling over my words, and I felt weak in my delivery.
And that’s when God started pruning me.
I kept finding myself in situations where I would blank out. I wouldn’t say what I really wanted to say. I’d walk away replaying the entire conversation in my head, thinking, Why didn’t I say this? Why didn’t I express it better? That wasn’t exhaustive enough!
It was frustrating. It was embarrassing. But now as I look back, I see that it was intentional.
God was humbling me.
I needed to step back and allow the Holy Spirit to move through me instead of trying to prove myself. I was grieving Him because I was too busy striving to be seen instead of simply being used. I was trying to control how I came across, wanting to be impressive rather than obedient. It was a hard lesson, but it was a good one. And I thank the Lord Jesus for it.
So, Holy Spirit highlighted it out, crystal clear, I acknowledged my wrong doing, confessed it and I repented. I had to ask God to purify my heart from comparison, fear, and relying on myself. I was also oppressed by the orphan spirit. I will shed more light on it soon.
The Root of It All
If I am to be completely honest, this desire to be validated didn’t just start in my walk with Christ. It had roots—deep ones.
At work, I had to constantly prove myself. After going through a major crisis that turned my world upside down, I felt like my reputation had been completely destroyed. People knew. The whole town knew. Back home, in neighboring towns, everywhere. The whispers, the side glances, the unspoken judgment—it felt suffocating.
I felt broken. Unstable. Like I had to earn my place back in society.
And so, when I entered the church, I unknowingly carried that same mentality with me.
I thought I had to prove that I was worthy of being there. That I was powerful. That I was an honorable vessel of Jesus. That I belonged.
But the truth? I was already chosen.
The approval I was seeking from man was something God had already given us.
How It Manifests Today:
Needing constant social media validation (likes, comments, shares)
Changing personality, values, or opinions to fit in
Feeling worthless when unnoticed or unappreciated
Making decisions based on popularity rather than obedience to God
Fear of rejection—choosing acceptance over truth
Now Here is The Danger of Seeking Validation
I learned that the constant need for validation is a dangerous trap. The Bible warns us about this:
Galatians 1:10 – "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
John 12:43 – "For they loved human praise more than praise from God."
Proverbs 29:25 – "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."
When we live for the approval of people, we become prisoners to their opinions. We start making choices based on how they will perceive us rather than being obedient to God. We shift from walking in faith to walking in performance mode.
I realized I was not operating from a place of true surrender but I was operating from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being enough. Fear that if people didn’t see me, I wasn’t valuable.
How to Break Free from validation (the Approval Trap)
So how do we break free from validation? How do we truly rest in our God-given identity instead of striving for validation from others?
1. Recognize & Repent: The first step is honesty. I had to ask myself: Who am I living for—God or people? Once I admitted that I was placing people’s approval above God’s, I had to repent and surrender that struggle to Him.
1 John 1:9 – "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and purify us from all unrighteousness."
2. Renew Your Mind with Truth: If you don’t know who you are in Christ, the world will try to define you. And trust me, the world’s definition is always shifting. But God’s Word? It never changes.
Romans 12:2 – "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
I had to start meditating on what God says about us:
I am chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
I am redeemed and set free (Ephesians 1:7).
I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10).
3. Fast from Social Media & Worldly Validation: I won’t lie, this one was tough. Social media has a way of feeding the need for approval, constantly checking how many likes we got, who saw the posts, the comments, engagement. It can become an idol if we’re not careful.
Matthew 6:6 – "When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
Taking time away from social media helped me refocus. It forced me to seek God’s presence over public recognition.
4. Practice Humility & Servanthood: Jesus did not chase validation, isntead He served. True greatness in the Kingdom is not about being seen; it’s about serving.
Philippians 2:3 – "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves."
5. Develop a “God-First” Mindset: Instead of asking: Do they approve of me? I had to start asking: Does God approve of me?
Colossians 3:2 – "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
I had to remind myself daily:
My worth is not in how many people acknowledge me.
My value is not based on my performance.
My identity is not found in my past.
When you stop chasing human validation, you experience so much.
Peace – You no longer stress about how others see you.
Boldness – You speak truth without fear of rejection.
Freedom – You’re no longer a slave to social media, opinions, or status.
Joy – Your worth is found in Jesus alone.
Purpose – You live for God’s calling, not temporary applause.
This is My Encouragement For You
If you have ever struggled with the need to be seen, to be validated, to feel enough, I want you to know this:
You are already enough in Christ. You are already loved, chosen, and approved by God. You don’t need likes, followers, or recognition to be valuable. Your worth was settled on the cross of calvary.
Psalm 139:14 – "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Jeremiah 1:5 – "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."
Zephaniah 3:17 – "The Lord your God is with you… He will take great delight in you."
You don’t have to fight for recognition—God sees you. He loves you. He is raising you for something greater than human validation.
Stay hidden in Christ. Seek His approval, and you will never feel empty.
As always, remain faithful. I love you.
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